Co-Sleeping
– Making it Work and Making it Safe
By Elizabeth Pantley, author of Gentle Baby Care
Question:
We’re expecting our first baby soon and thinking about
using a family bed. We’ve done a lot of research on the
“whys” - and there’s lots of information out
there. But what about the practical tips? How do we set things
up?
Learn
about it
The family bed, co-sleeping, shared sleep - no matter what you
call it, it means that your baby sleeps with you, or very close
to you. The family bed is becoming more and more common (or
perhaps it’s always been common but more people are now
talking about it.) Sharing sleep is very popular with parents
(particularly nursing mothers) of young babies who wake throughout
the night, since it allows parents to avoid getting up out of
bed and traveling up and down a dark hallway. Co-sleeping is
popular also with parents of older babies who enjoy the nighttime
closeness with their child.
There
are as many different styles of family beds as there are families!
Here are a few of the typical sleeping arrangements:
The
family bed: Parents and baby sleep together in one bed ? usually
king-sized.
Side-by-side: The child sleeps on a separate mattress or futon
on the floor next to the parent’s bed.
Sidecar: A cradle or crib is nestled adjacent to the parent’s
bed, sometimes with one side of the crib removed.
Shared room: The baby and parents have separate beds in the
same room.
The
use of these arrangements varies from home to home also. Some
of the common sleep situations are:
Shared
sleep with the baby during the night and for naps.
Part-time shared sleep for either naps or nighttime only, or
some of both, with baby in a crib, cradle or other place for
other sleep times.
Mom’s dual beds is a common setup in which Mommy has one
place where she sleeps with the baby, and another where she
sleeps with her husband. She moves back and forth between beds
based on how often the baby wakes up and how tired she is on
any given night.
Musical beds are a common arrangement. There are several beds
in different rooms, and parents and baby shift from place to
place depending on each evening’s situation.
Occasional family bed is when the baby has her own crib or bed
but is welcomed into the parent’s bed whenever she has
a bad dream, feels sick, or needs some extra cuddle time.
Sibling bed is often a natural followup to the family bed. Older
children share sleep after they outgrow the need for the parent’s
bed or the sidecar arrangement.
How
to decide
Every family has different nighttime needs. There is no single
best arrangement that works for all babies and parents. Even
within a family, there may be several “right” options
to choose from. The key is to find the solution that feels right
to everyone in your family.
It’s
very important to eliminate your need or desire to satisfy anyone
else’s perception of what you should be doing. In other
words, no matter what your in-laws, your neighbors, your pediatrician,
or your favorite author says about sleeping arrangements, the
only “right” answer is the one that works for the
people living in your home.
- Making
it safe
If you decide to have your baby sleep with you, either for
naps or at nighttime, you should adhere to the following safety
guidelines:
Your bed must be absolutely safe for your baby. The best choice
is to place the mattress on the floor, making sure there are
no crevices that your baby can become wedged in. Make certain
your mattress is flat, firm, and smooth. Do not allow your
baby to sleep on a soft surface such as a waterbed, sofa,
pillow-top mattress, or any other flexible surface.
-
Make certain that your fitted sheets stay secure and cannot
be pulled lose.
-
If your bed is raised off the floor, use mesh guardrails to
prevent Baby from rolling off the bed, and be especially careful
that there is no space between the mattress and headboard
or footboard. (Some guardrails designed for older children
are not safe for babies because they have spaces that could
entrap babies.)
-
If your bed is placed against a wall or other furniture, check
every night to be sure there is no space between the mattress
and wall or furniture where baby could become stuck.
-
Infants should be placed between their mother and the wall
or guardrail. Fathers, siblings, and grandparents don't have
the same instinctual awareness of a baby’s location
as mothers do. Mothers, your little one should be able to
awaken you with a minimum of movement or noise. If you find
that you are such a deep sleeper that you only wake when your
baby lets out a loud cry, you should seriously consider moving
Baby out of your bed, perhaps in to a cradle or crib near
your bedside.
-
Use a large mattress to provide ample room for everyone’s
movement.
-
Consider a sidecar arrangement in which Baby’s crib
or cradle sits directly beside the main bed as one option.
-
Make certain that the room your baby sleeps in, and any room
he might have access to, is child-safe. (Imagine your baby
crawling out of bed to explore the house as you sleep. Even
if he has not done this — yet — you can be certain
he eventually will!)
-
Do not ever sleep with your baby if you have been drinking
alcohol, have used any drugs or medications, are an especially
sound sleeper or if you are suffering from sleep deprivation
and find it difficult to awaken.
-
Do not sleep with your baby if you are a large person, as
a parent’s excess weight has been determined to pose
a risk to baby in a co-sleeping situation. While I cannot
give you a specific parent’s weight to baby ratio, examine
how you and Baby settle in next to each other. If Baby rolls
towards you, if there is a large dip in the mattress, or if
you suspect any other dangerous situations, play it safe and
move Baby to a bedside crib or cradle.
-
Remove all pillows and blankets during the early months. Use
extreme caution when adding pillows or blankets as your baby
gets older. Dress Baby and yourselves warmly. (A tip for breastfeeding
moms: wear an old turtleneck or t-shirt, cut up the middle
to the neckline, as an undershirt for extra warmth.) Keep
in mind that body heat will add warmth during the night. Make
sure your baby doesn’t become overheated.
-
Do not wear any night-clothes with strings or long ribbons.
Don’t wear jewelry to bed, and if your hair is long,
put it up.
-
Don’t use strong perfumes or lotions that may affect
your baby’s delicate senses.
-
Do not allow pets to sleep in bed with your baby.
-
Never leave your baby alone in an adult bed unless it is perfectly
safe. For example, placing Baby on a mattress on the floor
in a childproof room, when you are nearby or listening in
with a reliable baby monitor.
-
As of the now there are no proven safety devises for use in
protecting a baby in an adult bed. However, as a result of
the great number of parents who wish to sleep safely with
their babies, a number of new inventions are beginning to
appear in baby catalogs and stores. You may want to look into
some of these nests, wedges and cradles.
-
Make sure that your young baby is sleeping on his or her back
– the safest position for sleep.
When to make changes
Sleeping situations tend to go through a transformation process
throughout the early years of a baby’s life. Some families
make a conscious decision to co-sleep with their babies until
they feel that their children are ready for independent sleeping.
Some families make modifications as their babies begin to sleep
better at night. Other families move their babies to cribs to
accommodate a need for private sleep. The best advice is, go
with the flow ? and make adjustments according to what works
best for you.
For
more information
The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep
Through the Night
By Elizabeth Pantley (McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Books, March
2002)
Nighttime
Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep
By Dr. William Sears (Plume, November 1999)
Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed (And
a Peaceful Night's Sleep)
by Jay Gordon (Griffin Trade Paperback, July 2002)
This article is a copyrighted excerpt from Gentle Baby Care
by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)
Frugal
Parenting
Whether
you are a stay at home mom or a mom that works out of the home,
no doubt you are watching your budget and trying to figure out
ways where you can pinch pennies. I’m going to share with
you a few tips that maybe you haven’t thought of before
to help save your family money. These savings can really add
up.
Cloth diapering
We are living in a time where everything is disposable. This
is not only harmful to the environment, but harmful to your
pocketbook as well. Cloth diapering has really changed. It’s
no longer pins and plastic pants. There are beautiful, absorbent
cloth diapers available that only add a load or two of laundry
a week. They will last the duration that your child is in diapers,
and perhaps still be able to diaper your next child. The initial
cost will pay off in the long run. Mothering magazine shared
a fact that “A child will use 8,000 disposable diapers
verses fewer than 100 cloth diapers in his diapering lifetime.”
The article also shares that a family will average $2,000 in
costs of disposables, where cloth diapering can cost as low
as $400. for the child.
Wipes
This same kind of logic can be applied to diaper wipes. They
are so easy to make. There really isn’t a secret to it.
You’ll need some strips of cloth to use as the wipe. You
can buy cloth wipes, or use children’s washcloths. Here’s
a simple recipe:
Mix together:
1 Cup of water
1-2 TBS of baby bath/shampoo
1-2 TBS baby oil
Pour over cloth wipes. Store in Tupperware/Rubbermaid container
Breastfeeding
You may not think of it as a way to save money, but it is. Breastfeeding
will save the money you spend on buying formula. It also will
help in reducing the costs you spend in healthcare for your
child. Breastmilk is free and can save you over $1000. the first
year in formula costs alone. Mothers that breastfeed and work
outside of the home miss less sick days because their children
are healthier and get sick less often. Many families spend approximately
$100. a month in formula. That’s money you can be using
to pay bills, or put aside for their college fund. Research
was done by Kaiser Permanente ( a HMO organization)and they
concluded that Infants who were breastfed for a minimum of 6
months experienced $1,435.00 less health care claims than formula
fed infants. So when you chose to breastfeed not only is your
child healthier, but it saves you money!
Baby food
Making your own baby food is a simple easy way to save you some
money. There is a great book called Super Baby Food that can
help lead you if you decide you’d like to give it a try.
In most instances, you can use small amounts of what you’ve
already prepared for the rest of your family and grind it up
in your blender or with your fork. You would be careful to limit
the seasonings and choose nutrient dense foods. By using an
ice cube tray you can freeze small portions of vegetables, fruits
or soups. When your baby is hungry you can pop your portion
out of the tray and heat it up. This way your baby isn’t
getting any extra processing, and you aren’t paying for
little jars and a fancy name.
These are a few ways you can be more frugal in your parenting.
In exchange for a little of your time, you are saving thousands
of dollars a year. By making one or all of these changes you
are also helping your child to be healthier
